For some of us it is hard to express the emotions we are feeling because we aren’t too sure ourselves what we are feeling in any given moment.
Some of us run from our feelings, while others sit and try to figure out why we are feeling a certain way.
At times I am the person that sits with my feelings to figure out why I am feeling a certain way, while other times I run from my emotions because I am not ready to deal with the current situation or just fear what will come of knowing why I feel a certain way. More times than not, I get defensive about my emotions and I tend to flee. This is something I am working on and have been acknowledging for the past year.
In the process of acknowledging my current emotions I find a quite place where I will not be disturbed. I pay attention to the energy in the space. Do I feel overwhelmed in this space? If I do, I ask myself why? Maybe the room is cluttered? Maybe the room feels stuffy? Or maybe it’s just my overall body. Whatever the case is I check in with myself in that moment.
In this very moment I feel anxious. My neck and entire body feels tight and I feel like I have a giant pit in my stomach. When I think about moving away from the people I know and love I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. With the idea of leaving comes tons of other thoughts. Will I connect with other individuals in Spain when it comes to my gender identity? Will I be financially okay? Will the family I am staying with like me? Is my Spanish good enough for me to get by?
So many questions fill my mind and I have to stop and remind myself: If I believe in myself and ask the Universe to put other creative individuals in my life with similar views on life, I shall receive.
Face all of your insecurities that come up in the moment of sitting with your emotions. Even if they aren’t questions but statements. Ask yourself why you feel this way about yourself? Write out a list of four things you will do to change these insecurities and hold yourself accountable. Start off with small tasks that you know you will be able to complete daily.
Will I connect with other individuals in Spain when it comes to my gender identity?
Spain is known as one of the friendliest LGBT countries. I will make lots of connects with other individuals in the community and they will be respectful of my pronouns. I will do research on the LGBT community in Madrid, Spain and look into meetups and FB groups to start making connections with individuals.
Will I be financially okay?
Yes, I will find ways to use my creative talents to make an income. I will also be able to tutor individuals English on the side for an extra income and I will find multiple resources on finding my niche.
Will the family I am staying with like me?
Of course they will like me! I am a loving likeable positive individual. I will always be true to who I am and share my positive views on life with the family.
Is my Spanish good enough to get by?
I have a basic understanding and once I am out there I will be immersed in the culture and language. I will pick it up quickly and practice my reading and writing.
Hold yourself accountable for how you will make these changes in your life. Close your eyes and imagine your life with these changes you are looking to make. Believe in yourself and that they are truly happening and you already have the things you are wishing for. Acknowledge your emotions and come to terms with them, do not brush them off, do not run from them. The first step to self-love is learning to love every part of yourself, even the parts that have been hidden away.
Be kind to yourself and know that these changes will not happen over night but believe the changes are coming.